The Vegas Diaries.. WIP..
Thanksgiving - 23:50 - comfort inn reception - Tonopah - i95 - bum fuck nowhere Nevada
On my way back from Thanksgiving Lunch with my cousin and her daughter's family, Quincy, Plumas Forest, Northern California. 8.5 hour drive.
20 miles south of where I was overtaking a truck and hit the only rock on the road for thousands of miles. Not a big rock, but enough to blow out the front nearside tyre. And i was just thinking how lucky i was and starting the “timelapse drive to Vegas project”. Interesting start …
Lady in despair wrapped in blanket huddled over phone on the sofa. Im at the biz desk. “Think shes having a worse night than me” to the helpful receptionist. Smart arse with a wise crack…
Indian couple checking in. He has an american accent - she doesn't.
Waiting for my “tow that isnt a tow” to the Platinum, South Flamingo Road…
Back to…Hit the rock
Oh fuck - at least controllable - pull off road. Previous piss stop had been vaguely wondering what's out there that might eat me in the hundreds of miles of empty desert. Totally black except for car lights And no cars except mine for a while. Look up, astonishing stars, clear night, milky way. Below zero - very cold. Now I am more concerned about the probable lack of spare wheel on the Mazda MX5 hairdresser ride…
Obvs no spare - too tiny - shitty repair gunk and lighter socket compressor. Try just compressor after having to refer to manual to locate 12v socket deep in the passenger footwell. Does not get above zero PSI. Put gunk in line. Tiny bit above zero PSI. Not a chance. Can't see a big split but it must be bad.
Hmmm…
No cell signal - obvs…
No data - no gps - maps very sketchy.
Not many vehicles. 915pm on Thanksgiving night.
No real idea on how far next “civilization” and more than “emergency calls only”
Triple Hmmm….big beard stroke.
Tyre actually looks solid, See how it drives.
Not great.But had worse (but that was only for about 20” when i totalled the a6 and the car i hit)
Up to 50 felt ok - briefly - pushing too far as usual
Stop - check - bit warm - not too bad - maps wakes up a bit and I see lights in the distance and think Tonopah is only a couple of miles.
Set off again - cruise control on 20.
Soon pass sign “Tonopah 22”...oh triple fuck…no choice but to carry on - hazard lights on.
Another 10 mins and stop again to check. Bit too warm ,,, see lights heading my way approaching - but it takes what seems like minutes for them to arrive to see me doing the international distress signal with my phone light..
Think they’re not going to stop - but do so - 300m down the road.
I walk up and thank him very much for stopping - but he’s got no cell signal either. He offers me a lift here but it's obviously a begrudging offer and I reckon I can push on thru another 19 miles or so. I’m not in danger... Too much hassle to pack car… First car stopped so there will be another …and I'm an awkward bastard who generally gets away with it. Hobble on at 20 and hope - with a bit of sniggering relentless positivity and acceptance my luck had to run out at some point. And no one is hurt.
12:30 - now in a car thats not a tow truck … tow trucks aint licenced for passengers only and it gets complex so this is a cash job … Says DJ… whose family are the other tow truck company in town after dialling in the only one in town…. Errr…
Carried on after the guy stopped, another 10 mins and a lot of wobble. Stop and another pathetic attempt to blow air in - in the hope the gunk may have spread and been some use. Nope. another passing car - try to flag down. Nope. Oh well, press on, cruise control at 16 - the lowest it will go…
Lights approaching in the rear view. Stop - with a grind as that wheel comes off the blacktop..oops…
Try to flag down. Nope. Again no choice but to carry on - at 16mph…
Another 30 mins and get to Tonopah…The Comfort Inn
Look at phone
“Emergency calls only”
Restart Phone. T-Mobile - yay
Obvs doesn't work tho… UK cell phones is USA…another story/diary entry in the “fucked technology” section…
Goto Comfort reception. MIraculously open and staffed.
Automatic doors open and a young lady wrapped in blanket and extreme distress scowling at phone looks up in horror. Appears she has a rucksack under her blanket and inappropriate clothing for the sub zero temperature. Anyway. Nothing i can do.
Go and say “Hi - Happy Thanksgiving” to the nice receptionist and he lets me use the phone to call Enterprise roadside assistance. Best they can offer is to take me with the car to Fresno - indeterminate wait 5 hours in not quite the opposite direction - quick google maps (thank you hotel wifi) and then 6 hours back to vegas - no sleep - show tomorrow only just make 10am call if i'm very lucky. Bad idea. Can I leave the key at reception and sort my own way to Vegas? Yes…Small mercy…
Now what?
Brief hope with uber at a mere $380 - but surprisingly no drivers available. Big capitalism fails...
Talk to the receptionist. No taxi company in town. No independent drivers. Tow company probably only option in the car centric desert. Call them - hope - they might even be able to fix the tyre. They cant call back - more USA vs UK cell phone tech fail.
Little guy in big truck turns up within minutes. Amazing.Looks at tyre and says “yep - its fucked” but he doesnt have that size…. Nothing he can do. How much do i owe? Nothing he says..wow.. I bung him $20 as a tip , thank you for coming out, happy thanksgiving and has he any ideas?..nothing..Explain i don't care about the car - how about a “tow as a taxi” - he says dial it in to his supervisor if i'm happy to pay the $147 per hour to get me there and him back. ouch . but ok - travel insurance - i hope, but no real timely alternative.
So text the supervisor. Guy gets back in his truck to “phone a guy…” i finish fag and head back to reception to start phoning vegas taxis as another solution… guy calls me out of truck - he can't do it , but the other outfit kinda can. yay . $750 boo. Also turns out enterprise booked first company to get the mx5 to fresno..however… would miss the call tomorrow.. Briefly chat with DJ on the guys phone “i’ll be there in 30 or 40 mins” - cool. Pack up and goto reception biz desk and start this.
DJ picks me up in quite a nice saloon motor. Definitely not a tow truck, against regulations and strictly a cash job. Get slighly unnerved as he drives off the highway through a very dodgy looking trailer park … he’s much bigger than me…to a “secret” gas station. Fill up and on the way - via the ATM at the Tonopah casino - a small assortment of bizarre patrons stare at me as i withdraw $400. Give it to DJ - get the where hes from (3rd generation vegas - last to move out - doesn't want to go back - shit now compared to what it was (?!)) - medically retired marine, uncle was a navy seal officer, dad a marshall of some sort - but now all in the family tow truck biz. Turns out he’s driving to vegas anyway - cheeky fucker. But thats capitalism i spose and it solves my problem, and i get a bit of sleep. Hope DJ doesnt…rattled a few wake up strips..
Made it. Retained sense of humour. Yay. Now at gig.. Cue to cue for tonights show #3.
Another entry - need check date.
Full glam run of show. About a week out from the first show. the boss in full hair and makeup, track suit, not singing to save her voice as she's been sick. Not a bad run - a bit scrappy on the ins and outs of songs but looking great.
Need to transfer big files that need to be seen in next run in an hour or so. The files transfer much quicker if the show software is not running so shut that down, set copy off, go grab food for 30 mins. Come back when files are transferred and fire up the software.
Oh fuck, look like one of the projectors has lost its calibration. And i can't find any previous calibrations to check. Try earlier versions of show. Bugger .. no..
Right - one last restart into the archived version of just before previous run before trying to bodge projector in.
Of course, that version had been saved with my favourite test pattern as start state. Which is of course Boris the Brahma - a very big cock. A 20 year old joke that will never grow old. 60 feet high - at the moment the boss has just finished giving her notes to the assembled throng of creatives and management.
“Whats that??!”
I would pay a lot of money to have seen the faces that Matt has described to me. He leaves it the perfect amount of time…
“That's Richard's cock..”
And she breaks out in raucous laughter, thank the universe.
Broke the moment - and she does have a massive sense of humour…The locals love my huge cock too…